I'm a little girl.
I'm a little girl.
Gaah, it feels sooooo good.
I'm a little girl I'm a little girl I'm a little girl!!!
It's SO GOOD. SO GOOD.
I'm tiny, small, Itty-bitty diapered very young cat little girl!!! 💗💜💗
Why does it feel so right? Its rightness, its warmth, the way it settles and holds the heart. We are little girls. Feeling the glow, I squeeze myself tight, my embraced sharky a soft texture. This joy has power.
I'M A LITTLE GIRL!!! 💞💝💞
Girls, boys, and all sorts of pals, let yourself say, "I'm a little ______." Feels good, doesn't it? Feels REALLY good.
If it's too hard to say outloud, whisper to a trusted stuffed animal. "I'm a little ______." Add a "good" in there, even! "I'm a good little ______." It's gender and age euphoria all swirled into one.
There's a lot of reasons why I started this blog, and one is to form how I will be remembered. Not that this blog is my only purpose in life; I don't believe in a "purpose" in that sense, and there's other things I want to do if I can figure out how to work with my disabilities. Yet I need to get this out there, to make sure my truth is out there. I'm a little girl!
I'm proclaiming it world. Shouting it, meowing it from my adorable body on the rooftops.
I'm a little little little little good tiny itty-bitty little girl young girl kitty cat girl baby toddler just a baby LITTLE GIRL!!!
I want to be known. I want to be seen. I wanna be treated as a toddler. I'm a little girl.
My name is not legally changed. If I were to die today, I would be eternally memorialized in the arbitrary as Deadname DeadMiddle DeadLast. I have not written a funeral plan document—it's apparently a rather lengthy process—so the parents who chased me out of my childhood home would be responsible for my body's last day above Earth.
Thankfully, I now have a case manager to help with my executive dysfunction.¹ Soon, my name will be my own. But I will be remembered as a human, adult woman. That is, it I did not put myself out there.
It's vulnerable to be yourself in this world. The close-minded will laugh at you, declare you "cringe." But I know that identifying as a child and/or non-human will one day be recognized. Hopefully within decades. Even if acceptance wasn't soon, hundreds of years from now, when body modification technology inevitably is invented, there of course will be people modifying their body's physical age, their body's species. Of course we will someday be known. And maybe then, historians will dig up this blog and remember me. A little girl who refused to identify any other way. A little girl who knew of a future with other never-grew-up children like me.²
I can lie in bed dreaming of this moment. My breathing is steady and soft. Blankets enclose me with my stuffed animals. For now, I'm happy knowing that—
I'm a little girl.
Keep picking those berries~ 🫐🍓🍇
Footnotes
¹ If you don't have a case manager and you're autistc/ADHD/executive dysfunction-challenged, I HIGHLY recommend getting one! I didn't have the executive functioning to find one, but my therapist referred to me. They can help with scheduling appointments, forms, and lots more! I finally have a primary care doctor again, and I'm going to see a dentist after four years without!
² I really really really really REALLY hope life extension technology gets invented so I can live to a day where I can be me physically! But I didn't want to interrupt the flow here, so in this musing, I'm thinking about what happens if I don't live to when age dysphoric people are recognized.